Blue Memory 60”x48”

The source for any work is always important to me, whether that focus is on a material, a feeling, or in this case a memory. Working with this blue brought up a subtly profound memory. I’ve been studying and playing with this color, tweaking it to how I wanted it and when this particular instance came to mind, that’s when I knew I had the right color. This blue does not lend itself to the true color of the ocean but rather to me, the experience of being in the ocean, far from shore and right before a storm.

My dad and I went on a scuba diving trip to the Gulf of Mexico when I was around 14. I’ve grown up doing this and it has always been close to my heart and a deep passion of mine. Do you ever have certain times where you just feel God’s presence so clearly and that you know He’s near? That’s what happens to me when I’m scuba diving. At the time of this dive, I was actually an atheist.

The boat was still anchored to the wreck and we were getting ready to go back to shore. The wind had picked up and you could tell a storm was brewing; the rain had just started to come down light and steady. That’s when someone shouted, “Dolphins!” There were at least 3 of them swimming up to the back of the boat and I immediately grabbed my mask and jumped in the water. The waves were pretty high so I had to use one hand to hang onto the ladder to steady myself. I was bouncing up and down but once I settled and looked, there they were.

It was odd because they were just calmly there looking at me while the waves lurched the boat and me along with it. What else was odd was I remember thinking, I’ve never felt so still. Looking back, this was one of my first encounters with God. I’m not saying at all that God was in the dolphins or even within me at that point but it was the experience and how I felt. This led to thinking of the complexities of our world and brains. It was what I can now identify as God’s presence around me. That tangible feeling of peace while everything else rocks wildly around you. The blue in this painting is the color of how I remembered the water looking as those dolphins were staring at me, it’s definitely more vibrant than the actual shade of the gulf.

For the shape of this piece, the inspiration came from one of my daily walks downtown. In terms of the source, this piece is a collision of the mundane with the meaningful. Two fragmented moments of time coming together. When I look at it now I can see the feeling I had and that memory come to life. The grounding of my hand locked on the ladder, the sensation of the waves carrying my whole body, a slight struggle to stay below the cusp of the water, and God’s creation suddenly stopping right in front of me and how time slowed for a brief moment.

Before I gave my life to Jesus, I felt completely hopeless and numb. I was lost and felt dead inside. God truly used scuba diving and His creation under water to speak to me and pursue after me. This blue reminds me of hope and peace. God was always pursuing me and trying to draw me close. He does that to all of us. What is it you see in this painting or what memories does it bring up for you?